Act against your better instincts: do not try to involve your abuser in festivities, family events, birthdays, special occasions, and gatherings. Such attempts will only infuriate him further. Instead, leave him be, let him sulk, mired and immersed as he is in his self-pity, seething envy, and martyrdom complex. Go out, join friends and family at their abodes, and celebrate to your heart's content. Chances are that by the time you have returned your abuser will have forgotten all about it and things will revert to "normal".

Admittedly, some abusive intimate partners will be spoiling for a fight no matter what. There is nothing you can do about it except set boundaries and punish misbehavior and maltreatment. Whether you choose to involve your abuser in holiday activities or not is immaterial: he will torment and haunt you all the same. With the narcissistic and psychopathic abuser no good deed goes unpunished.


(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)